


Fake it till you make it

by JauntyHako



Series: Post Season 5 AU [7]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, In which Nancy Sheppard gets security clearance, John panics, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pre-Slash, Rodney is both entertained and traumatised for life, and Todd decides to play a little game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-07-22 04:52:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7420663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JauntyHako/pseuds/JauntyHako
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John's ex-wife tries to set him up with a co-worker. To get out of it he claims he already has a boyfriend in the form of Todd. Too bad Todd doesn't yet know of the arrangement.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fake it till you make it

Nothing much had changed on earth since Atlantis returned to the Pegasus galaxy. Yet another Iphone hit the market, a decent summer blockbuster had come out, Australia had gone through another prime minister. Business as usual.

It was supposed to be John's first time off in over a year, an entire extended weekend spent doing nothing but watching football games and riding ferris wheels.

What happened instead was a call from his ex-wife reminding him just how much of a lonely single he was.

"I was thinking we could catch dinner. Grant and I would love to hear from you."

John rubbed the back of his neck, leaning forward on the sofa towards the laptop on the coffee table.

"Look, I don't really want to be the third wheel-"

"You wouldn't be. You can bring someone, or, knowing you, you probably didn't make time to actually _date_ , but I have a colleague and she's very nice …"  
"No!" John said, too quickly and too panicked. He cleared his throat. "You don't have to do that, because …" The small office didn't reveal many good excuses to get out of a blind date with one of Nancy's colleagues. He looked around, caught sight of a picture of himself, Ronon, Kanaan and Teyla, the latter two embracing each other. "… Because I'm seeing someone."

Doubt spread over Nancy's face. He should have known. There was a time when she'd known him better than anyone.

"Really? How come you never told me about this?"

"Well …" he drawled, brain working overtime to come up with a reasonable explanation. "I didn't tell you because it's a recent thing."  
That wasn't enough. Already he saw his lie cracking open, revealing a future in which he had to eat lobster and listen to an undoubtedly nice girl going on about things that really didn't interest him. An idea struck him and he executed it before thinking twice, which, in hindsight, he probably should have.

"And because he's a guy."

Nancy's face lit up as John knew it would.

"Oh, John! I'm so proud of you. You've always been so deep in the closet, we were all worried you were hurting yourself with it. This is a giant leap forward and you know I'll support you all the way."

He chuckled nervously, feeling as if he just dug himself a grave that he didn't know how to get out of.

"Well, you'll bring along your boyfriend then. Oh, is it alright if I say boyfriend? Or should I say partner? Is partner better? You know what, I'm just gonna call him by his name."  
And there he went, hopping right into that grave. He shouldn't have lied to Nancy, but he really didn't want another blind date, while being subsequently pitied by everyone around him, when it didn't work out. His closeted bisexuality had never done him any good, he might as well use it to get out of awkward dinners. If it didn't get him further in, first.

"Well, tell me about him. How did you meet, what's his name?"

"Uh. His name. Right. His name's … Todd."

 

 

"I panicked, okay? Stop laughing."

Rodney did no such thing. If asthma wasn't the one ailment in the world Rodney didn't have, John'd be worried by now. He wheezed with petty laughter, taking the greatest of pleasures in John having maneuvered himself into this situation.

"Out of all the people you could have picked and you chose _Todd_. He wouldn't be my first choice, let me tell you."  
"What was I supposed to do? She was putting the thumbscrews on and I'm not good at lying to her. Preferred to just slip out the door in the middle of the night in fact."

"Yes, but _Todd_? There's a whole base of ridiculously attractive people. You had a lineup that includes Lorne and Ronon and you went ahead and said _Todd?_ "

"Enough already, okay? You never know, this might play in my favour. It's not like I can bring him to dinner in some fancy Denver restaurant. I'll just tell her he's on deployment or something and she'll stop bothering me."

Rodney halted his hysterical laughter and looked at John the way he usually only did when he was about to say something horrible like "imminent ZPM overload".

"Nobody told you?" he asked.

"Told me what?"  
"She and several people from agencies across the world just got security clearance for the Stargate program. She should be on her way here already."

John stared blankly for a few seconds as the information trickled in. Then he broke into a run.

 

Todd worked in one of SG-1's labs, to maximise ZPM efficiency to several non-Lantean systems. Most of the team in the lab were people from Atlantis and thus used to working with a wraith among their midst. The few who weren't were easily distinguishable by their shaking hands and sweat-beaded brows.

"Buddy, we gotta talk."

Todd made a noise that John shouldn't disturb him unless Atlantis was on fire _and_ the replicators rose from the dead.

"It's important." John pressed and the hint of panic must have gotten his attention.

"Speak quickly, John Sheppard."

John did, and also ignored the shudder running down his spine caused by Todd using his name. He'd never gotten over that they had the same name in wraith and for all his needling Todd hadn't divulged just what kind of 'special significance' it had, only that it rarely happened.

"Can we do this somewhere more private?"  
"I _am_ busy."  
"I know that, but-"

Todd snarled in annoyance, even rolled his eyes at him, but he tore himself away from the computers and followed John outside and into an empty office. The room was small and dimly lit, making Todd look much larger and more onimous than he usually did, even with the Atlantis issued uniform jacket he wore when he was on duty. It occurred to John that out of all the possible names that could have popped up in his head when making up his fake-boyfriend, Todd really shouldn't have been on the top of that list. He blamed it on the fact that they spent a lot of time together on missions and that having him around still wasn't as much routine as he'd like to admit.

"What do you need to discuss?" Todd asked impatiently and John realised he'd just been staring at him for a minute or so.

"My, uh, ex-wife is on her way here. I think she wanted to surprise me, but well, I know, and that's a good thing because …"  
Todd bared his teeth, an unmistakeably hint that he had better get to the point.

"Because, well, I might have told her you were my boyfriend."

Todd stared at him and in the half-dark his eyes seemed to glow. Incredulous didn't begin to describe his expression.

"You told her we were bonded? Why?"

John gestured vaguely.

"It was an accident. Sort of. I didn't mean any of this to happen, but now she's coming and she'll want to meet you. Listen, I just need you to play along for a while. She'll just drop in, say hello, probably freak out because I didn't tell her you were an alien because I didn't think she had security clearance and I really didn't think this through."

"No." Todd said. "You didn't."

The annoyed subtones disappeared from his voice and he'd stopped snarling. Now there was a hint of amusement to it all and to John it looked like he climbed out of one grave and walked straight towards the next.

"I will assist in keeping up the deception. You have my word."

And there had never been a more threatening four words.

 

All things considered, Nancy took the revelation of the Stargate program remarkably well. She listened to the briefing with professional poise and when John stepped in to talk a bit about the military operations in the Pegasus galaxy she merely raised her eyebrow at him. It was that unflappability that he'd always admired about her. Telling a woman he was a fighter pilot for the US Air Force impressed them. Nancy had replied with a dry joke as if he told her he was an accountant.

He hoped her self-control would hold up when he introduced her to Todd. When they parted half an hour ago he'd had that feral grin on his face as if he planned for world domination. It couldn't mean anything good and John just hoped he didn't cause any permanent damage.

"So, this is interesting. I was wondering who'd been recruiting our best scientists for the last decade or so."

"Yeah. We kinda needed the manpower. That's about it for the tour, though, if you want me to accompany you to your car, I-"

Nancy interrupted him with a playful poke in the chest.

"Don't you think I've already forgotten about your boyfriend. Since the only way to get you pulled away from work is with a crowbar, I'm assuming he works for the program, too, which means there's a very good chance he's somewhere close by. So introduce me."

It had been a last ditch effort and it predictably failed. John led the way, cursing his inability to properly lie. He should have just asked Rodney to pretend his name was Todd for an afternoon.

They reached Todd's lab faster than he would have liked and dragged out every second searching for his security card.

"Listen, there's something I should probably tell you about Todd." he began. "He's not really … what you'd call a Prince Charming. In fact-"  
"Oh, quit stalling. I don't care what he looks like."

He quit stalling, mainly because he couldn't find another way to keep stalling and opened the door to the lab. Which was empty.

"Todd?" he asked as he stepped inside, but none of the scientists were there either and the computers only ran a few automatic simulations. It should have been a cause for relief but the hairs on John's neck pricked up. That damnable wraith planned something.

"Maybe he's gone for dinner?" Nancy suggested.

"I hope not." John said and he saw in her face before he heard the footsteps that Todd just rounded the corner. She paled, stepped backwards as the almost seven foot alien once again in all his black leather coated glory, marched up to John and swept him off his feet with a kiss Frank Sinatra could have written a song about.

His lips were cold but soft and fuller than John imagined them. Not that he ever had imagined anything of the – and there was tongue, just the tip, teasing John by flicking across his lips while his feeding hand carded through his short hair, making his entire body erupt into goosebumps. He was held upright but powerless to do anything but fist his hands into Todd's coat and mentally will him to quit the shenanigans. At the same time a tiny voice at the back of his head whispered that this was the best kiss he'd had in twenty years.

 

This was the best kiss Todd had in ten thousand years and he planned to make the most of it. John's body was light in his arms, much lighter than a wraith would have been and so much more fragile. It betrayed the man's resolve, the strong pulse of life that even now thrummed through his body, forceful and so very intoxicating. His presence overwhelmed him, made him want to drop to his knees or run, run far away from this human who had him in his grasp like only a queen could.

Nothing would ever come of this infatuation he had but if it was a game John Sheppard wanted, a game he would get. His hand snuck under John's shirt, scratched lightly along his spine and relished in the shudder it caused. Some last remainder of his awareness urged him to keep this simple, that they weren't alone and it _was_ still just a game. Their lips parted, John's red and plush and so very inviting, his hair even messier than usual as Todd let go and stood next to John, close enough to keep his arm around the man's waist. Then, with a skill honed over a lifetime, he pretended to only now become aware of Nancy Sheppard.

"Ah. I apologise for this display. My kind tends to be very tactile in our affections. I hope I have not upset you."

Todd got an idea of why John once loved this woman. She floundered for a split-second, then drew herself up to her full height and smiled at him as if he was any ordinary human.

"Not at all. You must be Todd. John has told me a lot about you. Though probably not as much as he should have." she said with a pointed glance at John who shrunk into himself. Todd used the opportunity to draw him closer in a protective embrace. Later he'd get into trouble over this, judging from the way John stiffened.

"You must not fault him for being reluctant to speak of me. Even our closest friends do not yet know of our involvement." he said.

"And we will _not_ tell them." John hissed into his ear.

They started walking towards John's quarters, Nancy at Todd's left, John at his right.

"He's always been like that.", Nancy said. "Very private. And of course he's so deep in the closet I'm surprised he hasn't disappeared to Narnia yet."

"I'm right here." John muttered. Both Nancy and Todd ignored him.

"I apologise for my ignorance." Todd said with the honey-sweet tunes of someone who was about to get a load of incriminating information on his best friend. "How is John 'in the closet'? I'm afraid the phrase is unfamiliar to me."

 

This was officially the worst day of John's life. And the place was hotly contested, what with almost turning into an Iratus bug and otherwise almost dying painfully a couple of times. But Todd, currently nuzzling his neck and making noises suspiciously close to purring, dialed up the role of fake boyfriend up to eleven. After a crash-course into the human concept of homophobia, he and Nancy proceeded to trade stories about John he never wanted more than one person to know.

"Does he still pretend he doesn't want to be the little spoon?"

He would _kill_ Nancy. He didn't want to be the little spoon. He just hated waking up with a mouthful of hair, that was all.

"Oh, indeed." Todd said who had no possible way of knowing that. "I frequently wake to explanations of how we must have shifted in our sleep."

"Yes! He did that with me, too. You can be so self-conscious, John."

John grumbled and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Glad to see you haven't forgotten I'm here."

But Nancy only waved him away and turned back to Todd who had not yet exhausted his curiosity towards the life and mysery of John Sheppard.

"His voice, too. Used to be so quiet during sex until I got him drunk one night and he admitted he didn't like the way his voice sounds. And I don't know about you, but I think it's sexy as hell."

Todd hummed deep in his throat and if Nancy was out for an example of a sexy voice, there was one, right there. No need to ride around on this hoarse nightmare his vocal chords insisted on spitting out. Not that Todd's voice was sexy. Nice, yes, even attractive, John wasn't above admitting that. But not sexy. Wraith weren't sexy in any way. But he could see how other people might think they were. Not him, though. He was suffering at the hands of the wraith once more, and this time they had his wife as backup.

"He never told me of this." Todd said. "But I have always greatly enjoyed him reading to me."

Ah, shit. Nancy would one hundred percent take this the wrong way. And he absolutely didn't need Todd to think he'd been carrying a torch for him. Which he hadn't.

"Which was a one-time deal and also work-related." he said but Nancy was faster and didn't care about his emotional well-being.

"He did? Oh my, he really must care about you a lot. I'm so happy for the both of you. You fit together like pieces of a puzzle."  
Yeah, right. Just because Todd was an easy guy to be around, didn't mean they were meant for each other. And alright, maybe he didn't like his own voice and _maybe_ he didn't make a habit of reading out loud because of that, but it was not like Todd would judge him.

"We do, indeed." Todd said and with a shock John realised he was leaning in for another kiss and there was nothing he could do if he didn't want to blow their cover. He closed his eyes, hoped to Nancy it would look more 'romantically smitten' rather than 'terrified out of his mind' and braced for another serving of Todd's lips.

This kiss was softer than the first and had a merciful lack of tongue. It was almost as if Todd knew exactly how far he could push things. He moved slowly against John, warm and solid and okay this wasn't so bad. Having to tilt his head back was unfamiliar, but there was no awkwardness except his own. Todd kissed him with a confidence as if they'd done it for months, pretend affection bleeding through with every heartbeat.

Nancy ate it up like Belgian chocolates. Which meant no more blind dates, no more awkward conversations. That was why he felt so good. Relief. Yes.

They parted and if they ever got an Atlantis theater production rolling, John would recommend Todd for the lead role. He had this performance down to the last detail, complete with lingering affection shining in his eyes. He squeezed John's hand under the table, which wasn't strictly necessary because Nancy wouldn't see that, but far from him to criticise his acting method.

 

Todd enjoyed this too much. Up until now he'd been able to keep a lid on these feelings, aided by the fact that John Sheppard would never let himself be touched intimately by a wraith except to save his life. But here he was, breathless and at a loss for words because of a kiss. His Hive kin would shake their heads at him, smitten over a human and playing along with his desperate lies just to get the chance to be closer to him. He was pathetic, the first person in ten thousand years to bring him to his knees and it was not even a queen. It was just John Sheppard who insisted his friends would come for him, back in that Genii cell, his optimism so strong Todd couldn't help but be swept along with it. Just brilliant, stubborn John Sheppard, who had not said a word since they broke their kiss and neither had Todd. He sat upright in his chair again, their hands disentangling and he didn't remember reaching out for John's hand, played with the idea of John having initiated the contact and discarded it right away. Down that road lay nothing but disappointment.

"Wow. Let's say we call this a day and I let you two doves have some privacy, huh?" Nancy teased. The relief was palpable on John's face but Todd wasn't prepared to let this go just now.

"You must be tired from your journey here." he said, making it up as he went along. "But perhaps you would like to visit Atlantis? John loves the city as if he built it himself. He would not pass up a chance to show her to you. Or would you, beloved?"

John glared at him.

"I'd like that." he said between clenched teeth. Nancy smiled as if she caught on to Todd's little ploy but before he could prod further, she had already gotten up.

"That would be great. Mr Woolsey promised me and my colleagues a tour but I'd much prefer a more private setting. Let's say tomorrow, at eleven?"

"That will do fine. We will see you tomorrow, then."

She hugged Todd, too, as she said goodbye, something most people needed longer to do. Years, usually. As soon as she was out of the room John crowded into his space, pushing him backwards.

"This was supposed to last a few hours. The whole base is gonna think we're … we're …"  
"Two 'doves'?" Todd asked and dodged John's half-hearted punch.

"Tomorrow only." John warned. "After that Nancy's gonna come back to earth and you and I will never ever talk about this again, understand?"

Todd knew he didn't give anything away and still he felt as if John laid him bare, his affection for all the world to see.

"Perfectly." he said and watched John leave without a word of thanks for helping him with the mess he'd gotten himself into. It wasn't like Todd had expected anything else. Over the years John had very rarely acknowledged Todd's help at all, much less shown gratitude for it. Nothing had changed.

Nothing at all.

 

John wished he was back on Atlantis. Sleep eluded him, which wasn't a first. Usually when that happened he'd get up and run a few laps around the tower or see what Rodney was up to, who always worked late into the night. Stargate Operations on earth didn't lend itself to late night runs and the only person he knew who was probably still up was Todd.

And he really didn't want to see Todd right now.

On some level he knew he was unfair. Todd helped him out of a tight spot without asking anything in return. But they never said anything about kissing. A bit of hand-holding, sure. Maybe even a few cloying love confessions. He should have known the whole non-verbal thing would extend to the wraith showing affection. Damn it all. He should have just asked Rodney.

The worst part of it all, and there were a lot of bad parts to begin with, was that the last kiss replayed itself over and over in his mind. Soft lips on his, him reaching out to find something to hold on to and finding Todd's hand. The complete and utter conviction that Todd would never make fun of him for leaning a little bit too much into the kiss, for needing it more than he wanted to admit. Rodney or Ronon would have teased him. With Lorne it would have become awkward. Even with Teyla he wasn't sure he'd feel that secure.

Rodney didn't understand why the first name that popped into John's head had been Todd's. But out of all the options, Todd was most likely to play along and least likely to lord it over him forever. This was just a game, and the game was called 'Kiss the alien until your ex-wife goes away'. He could do that. Hell, he could do that and enjoy himself, too. In fact, if Todd was out to throw him off balance, he'd let him know that two could play at that game.

John settled back into the bed and smiled grimly to himself.

 

 

When John entered the gate room, Todd was already with Nancy, talking to her in quiet tones. He signaled for the gate to be dialed, shaking with anticipation. Not because of gate travel of course, even though he still got a thrill out of doing it, but because of his plan to challenge Todd to a game of who could push the other furthest. Todd had a head-start but now that John decided to fight back, he'd win this game. By the end of the day Todd would be a stuttering blushing mess and then he'd think twice about agreeing to be his pretend-boyfriend. For his first act he used a handy bit of knowledge he read about in one of the historical accounts of the ancients when they were still friends with the wraith. He'd never read Todd that part so he'd be in for a surprise.  
"Good morning." he greeted more casual than he felt and came to a stop in front of Todd who had obivously planned on another kiss. Instead John took his feeding hand and lifted it up to his lips, pressing a kiss smack in the middle of the slit. The reaction was as immediate as it was staggering. Todd's whole body shuddered, blood rising to his cheeks and a choked moan escaping him. But he didn't pull away and John used the opportunity to slip him a little tongue before letting go. The gate activated and, happy as can be, he linked his arms with Nancy's and Todd's and led them both through the gate.

Woolsey's face made John wish he had his camera with him as he sauntered through the gate, arm in arm with his ex-wife and a wraith. He stuttered through his introduction and stared after the trio as they started their little tour. Todd still hadn't stopped shaking and at this point John started to worry. He knew from the text that the gesture of kissing a wraith's feeding slit was incredibly intimate but apparently he underestimated just how much. It catapulted him firmly in the lead and if he didn't know Todd as well as he did, he would have thought victory was his.

By the time they reached the labs Todd collected himself enough to talk to Nancy about the work they did here, even if he did occasionally glance at John. Retribution was not far away.

 

It didn't take a genius to figure out John intended to repay him in kind for his forwardness the other day. He didn't pull any punches either. Todd's hand closed around the feeding slit, still tingling from his lips. No one had ever done that for him. Even his queen rarely let him do it for her and he had been her actual consort, not just a pretend one. In all the time they'd been together she touched him everywhere but never once had she kissed his hand. He was almost certain John didn't know what that kind of thing did to a wraith or he wouldn't have done it. In public, at least. Todd had no idea how far John was willing to go with this, but if he didn't intend to hold back, then neither would Todd.

The jumper bay was their next stop where they met Rodney en route to repair some minor systems to one of the jumpers. He relished in the chance to brag about his work and Nancy seemed actually interested, which gave Todd the chance he'd hoped for. He took John by the hands and pulled him to his chest. John closed his eyes, grinning and expecting another kiss. Todd leaned closer until his mouth was level with his ear and whispered, for none but them to hear:

"I love you, John Sheppard."

John's eyes snapped open, a shocked gasp escaping him, genuinely befuddled until he saw Todd's wry grin. The confession wasn't based on any real knowledge, but he figured that a species as talkative as humans would place great importance on a verbal love confession. John's reaction proved him right.

They stared at each other, challenge burning in their eyes. Then John grasped Todd by the collar and pulled him down for another kiss, hot and burning and nothing like the day before.

Todd's knees buckled and he pushed John against another jumper, trapping him between his arms while holding himself up. John's tongue pushed past his lips and licked into his mouth, his hands roaming over his body. Todd growled, pushed down the pleasure and focused on making John moan. He could still win this. They broke the kiss to gasp for air, dove right back in. Todd didn't have much experience with humans and the first few erogenous zones he tried, John's spine and the palms of his hands, fell flat. Unfortunately John was a quick learner. His fingers found their way under his clothes and Todd had to push them away, unwilling to cede a quick victory. Some smaller part of him didn't care about winning but about dragging this out. He cupped John's ass and squeezed and that got the first reaction, a half-swallowed groan. John bit down on his lip, hard, and that distracted Todd enough for him to find his spine again. A single light scratch with his fingernails was all it took to destroy him. Todd broke the kiss, buried his head in the crook of John's shoulder, panting softly, as his fingers trailed down his spine like electrical currents.

He lost.

"Uh … ? Should we … leave?"

They jumped apart like stung. Todd fought to keep his balance, dizziness almost overwhelming him as he refocused on his surroundings. John cursed and smoothed down his hair that Todd didn't remember messing up.

"This isn't … it's not what it looks like."

Even Todd, who'd watched all but three earth movies, raised his brow at that cliché.

"You know what? I don't even wanna know. I was going to suggest you take Nancy for a flight around the city, but on second thought maybe I'm gonna do it instead. You have fun with, uh, your boyfriend."

Nancy gave them both a thumbs up before she followed Rodney to the jumper and left John and Todd to deal with the mess they just created.

Todd looked down, unable to meet John's eyes, and noticed with some satisfaction that at least he wasn't the only one who'd gotten hard over this.   
"So …" John began but faded out. Todd didn't blame him. There was nothing either of them could say to make this any less worse. Yesterday it had been a harmless little game to keep Nancy off John's back. But it long stopped being about her.

"We should not speak of this again." Todd said, forcing himself to sound calm. He'd never hoped for anything more to come of this, but this wasn't what he wanted.

"Yeah." John said. "I should … I should probably go."

"Yes."

"Yeah."

But neither made an attempt to move. And Todd could no longer lie to himself. He had hoped desperately for John to realise how he felt about him and for him to return those feelings. That hope surged again when John didn't move, didn't make any attempt to leave his presence. Perhaps there was still a chance, if he found a way to convey to him that this game had gone too far but he wouldn't mind it going just a bit further.

"Yeah." John said again and this time it was final. "See you around I guess."

He walked away and Todd's heart raced, his mind in overdrive. He couldn't let him leave.

"Sheppard!" he called out and John stopped, looked over his shoulder. Todd thought he looked hopeful, but that had to be his imagination. All of it was. To John this had just been a silly game that had gotten overboard. He projected his own feelings on someone who didn't share them. His shoulders sagged in defeat.

"Nevermind." he said and watched John go for good.

His feeding hand hummed with the echoes of John's kiss and he dug his fingernails into the slit until he bled.

 

 


End file.
